Light and Darkness in Us

There is something puzzling in religion, particularly when it is practiced regularly. Many noticed this, literally, painful paradox. When we catch ourselves in this situation, we feel confused. What I am talking about is the 'split', or what we experience as a split, between our 'Christian self', and our downfalls. When, in the very next moments to what is our 'better self' - attentive to and yearning for God, thinking as one should according to the Gospel - we fall. This is the situation which is often judged by the outside: 'he/she drinks wine but preaches water.' This moment of underachieving is what disturbs me. Is it because I am that bad, and what is not good in me, is unmasked in terms of an inevitable fall? Is the falling Christian person indeed that shallow, even a 'liar'? Our environment, when this shadow-side of our surfaces, rightly judges that moment. The pain we feel is double. We have fallen, yes, and on top of that we feel shame because we are seen as one with our manifest fall. The complexity of that shame could be examined in length. Is it a genuine remorse what we feel? Or is it a narcissistic shame, that we don't want to be seen negatively? Being crucified for good for that one, totalized mistake.

Or, despite the objective wrong, what we did, there is another way of seeing our mistakes? I would like to believe that there is room for a more positive reflection. While it is true that religious repetitive practices and rituals are inevitably building up in us 'our religious superego'. And true, that superego (our ego-ideal) can, and inevitably fails. As we never coincide with our ideal (or desired) self. If we think that we do, that vision will necessarily and spectacularly fail.

So how can we see our failures in a different light? Practicing Christians inevitably intake a 'regular dose of light', as it were. Which light, as mentioned above, can be a building block of both a rigid (unchallenged, merciless) superego and a humbler, though failing, reflective self. The point I am trying to outline is that the failing Christian should not be disheartened. Divine Mercy - grace, Jesus' teaching, and love - enters into our heart for a different purpose. The regular intake of this light inevitably will bring to surface our 'shadows'. It touches, provokes, disturbes that whole web of negativity, sin, wrong thinking, bad motivations, mistrust, even hatred which is part of our fabric.

Regular prayer and communion aim at precisely this regular disturbance. Our 'failures', of course, are in the possible starkest contrast with the Light. Yet, grace wants to constantly remind us that there is a living volcano of 'non-love' seething in us. We need to be aware of it, and grace will surely make it know, however painful this encounter is.

I do think that without this encounter with grace, one also would fail. Most probably that failure would be less painful, if not unnoticed. So, there is no point of gloating over Christians' failure and pointing fingers to. We should keep 'taking the light', the Holy Communion and the Word of God. The Light will do its wok in us. Hopefully disperging and removing the thickest core of darkness in us. What we can benefit of it most is learning mercy towards those who fail, even cause harm, or sin against, us.

There is never a perfect answer to mystery of the chaos and the life of darkness in us. This 'split' in us always requires a Loving Messiah.

 

21.07.2020

Our watercolour workshop with Esperanza 1 Robin1

Faith is the key

 

1

Where has our search within the octave of Easter led us? Let us share the insights we have gained in this intense and intimate period of prayer - as it were, 'our bonding with the Risen Lord?' The prayers for each other is part of this sharing.

The second Sunday of Easter invites us to listen to the experiences of the early Church – our first brothers and sisters who met the risen Lord and developed a special, new life with Him.

We have learnt together with them that Easter is a special zone. Those who entered it understand how history has been changed once and for all. 'What became clear and grew to be a certainty for the Church was that God himself had intervened with his almighty hand in the wicked and rebellious life of the world…and had set Jesus up as Lord of the world.' (Günter Bornkmann, Jesus of Nazareth, further quotes from him.) The point is that Easter is all about God's work. 'Easter is above all else God's acknowledgement of this Jesus, whom the world refused to acknowledge, and to whom even the disciples were unfaithful. It is at the same time the intervention of God's new world in this old world branded with sin and death, and setting up and beginning of his reign. It is an event in this time and in this world, and yet at the same time an event which puts an end and a limit to this time and this world. To be sure only faith can experience this.'

Are we ready to be witnesses of this 'zone of life'? Are we ready to keep our eyes open, to keep our eyes of faith opened by Easter open - at any price?

 

2

Our first Christian brothers and sisters share with us an another important experience. 'The men and women who encountered the risen Christ at Easter have come to an end of their wisdom. They regarded themselves as those who have been conquered, whose former lives and beliefs have come to naught.' And this is the key: they were conquered - they were conquered by faith. The learning curve the disciples had undergone is of vital importance for us.

Initially, they were in a dream-like, semi-conscious state, still in grip of their previous self. 'What they experienced is fear and doubt, and what only gradually awakens joy and jubilation in their hearts is just this: They, the disciples, on [this] Easter day, are the ones marked out by death, but the crucified and buried one is alive. Those wo have survived him are the dead [the captives of their old life and thinking], and the dead one is the living!'

 

3

The big question is, how can one enter 'into the zone' of Resurrected life, the communion with the Risen Lord? And here, our first brothers and sisters share us with their most vital teaching. It was not enough, and for us today, it is not enough 'to hear of the Resurrection.' Nay, it is not enough to see meet the Risen Lord physically, as did the women at the tomb, the disciples on the road to Emmaus, or apostle Thomas today. And this seems to be the top secret of Easter and that of Christian life. 'It [is] the resurrected Christ who first reveals the mystery of his story and his person, and above all the meaning of his suffering and death.' As if rewinding the timeline on a security camera footage, the crucial moment in the Easter story is when Jesus imparts faith, living faith to his disciples.

 

4

This is the crux of the matter. 'Faith in Jesus', faith itself, has nothing to do in believing in something 'invisible', which is not here, which is imaginary. Faith is a vital organ, a new organ in us. 'Faith' is more real than anything else. Faith has more weight than anything else. It is through this medium, through this 'oxygen of new life', through which we have to break away from the chronology, agendas, and life of 'this world'. For entrapped 'in this world', this world does not allow that freedom, that imagination and that free intimacy with God which only Easter imparts to us.

Faith is, actually, our shared language with God. It is primarily his language, which is like that of a caring parent, is always embracing us, guiding us, and protecting us. Faith is the 'real'. And it calls us, to imitate God's mouth and words. It calls us, as the beloved disciple taught us in the Apocalypse, our second reading to tell God who were are, who we have become, and who we can become through our Easter faith.

 

19.04.2020

1 watercolour layering basics - Watercolour workshop with Esperanza

Jesus washes his disciples' feet

Lazarus - Time for Reflection (John 12:1-9)

Lazarus, after returning from death to life, was given a time. A time for reflection. He could process what had happened to him, and how precious his 'second chance' was. His life was interrupted in the most dramatic way. He died, and, through the personal gift and miracle by Jesus now he had to answer the why of his regained life.

He is one of the table company of Jesus, who himself is giving his final teaching. 'Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those reclining with him at table.' (John 12:2) The 'why-s' of his personal quest for the meaning of his return, thus, is inseparable from his listening to Jesus. Whatever answer he gives he forever remains in the presence of his Divine friend. I just wonder how our individual (and collective!) lives would be formed if we answered our questions connected to the Lord.

Just as we are interrupted now by the threat of the corona-virus; death itself. Can we see this as a 'positive interruption'? As marking out a special time for us to reflect on who we are; and who we are in relation to Jesus. For, in a sense, since the interruption of the corona virus, every moment of our life is like that of Lazarus now, who 'is sitting with him at the table'.

 

02.04.2020

Confronted by joy (JOhn 11:1-45)

The fifth Sunday of Lent is called Passion Sunday. Except the cross and stained-glass windows, all images and statues are veiled. We are deprived of their beauty and the consolation they offer to our senses. In the Catholic tradition, it seems that we are no longer given a 'support' to our prayers. But are we really left alone?

Not at all. It is like a child when learning how to walk, who no longer has the support of the hand of their parents. From now on, we have to rely more on the efforts of our faith. Things get more and more serious in Jesus' life. Step by step he is closer to his passion.

So what is the message of this fifth Sunday? First, we have to exercise our most beautiful ability, prayer. We have to 'walk in our faith', we have to progress in our love for Jesus and our neighbours. Now without the support of our beloved church, as we are not allowed to enter it because of the corona virus. We are to carry on in our friendship with Jesus without the joy of meeting each other physically. So, in terms of a practical message of this Sunday, we need to pray on a regular basis for the present needs of our society. Prayer for those effected by the virus, and for all those, who work in the frontline is crucial. Lazarus, who was raised from the dead, is a symbolic reminder that through our prayer we must remember them, personally. We must remember the dead of whom we hear in the news. They cannot remain a number, unnamed, and unremembered by the community. Please, let us pray for the deceased every day.

In all this, we are following Jesus. We imitate him when he is confronting sickness, death and separation, weeping along with his friends, and then restoring Lazarus to life and to the bosom of his family and community. Through our prayers, we bring life, consolation, and future joy.

Yes, joy. Passion Sunday reminds us that we must not allow these painful times to derail our faith. Whatever happens around us, we should never lose joy in our faith - even if it is now entering Passiontide. There is a symbolic story, which illustrates well this point. 'A few months ago, a powerful image of [coming to life] appeared on YouTube. Perhaps some of you have seen this video of a severely deaf baby, Georgina Addison of Harrogate, captured by her father at the moment when her new hearing aids were switched on. The way this beautiful child's whole being lights up with life and joy at hearing the sound of her mother's voice for the first time is for me a most striking visual metaphor of how we are all made for the Word of God, and only thrive when alive with God's life.' (Laurentia Johns OSB, The Tablet 28 March 2020)

How can we search for this joy, rediscover it, and preserve it? Let it be our personal task for the remainder of this Lenten season. And let this personal quest be grounded in the daily prayer-life of our church.

 

27.03.2020

 

'Where'

These days, there is one question which is resurfacing time and again. Where is God in the midst of these ordeals? Where is the power of the Gospel, the teaching of the Son of God – when we face the frightening news of death, and the further spread of the virus. Why God does not heal?

The answer is not easy. God is not something which is outside life, one moment He is not there, another moment he jumps in, deus ex machina, and then he is there and effective. Our Good Lord is always there. He has been always with us, as He is there, in those situations of despair, healing, and hoped recovery.

Yesterday, at 8 pm, people went to their windows, and on their balconies they clapped and welcomed the heroic efforts of the NHS, those who work in the frontline. This thanksgiving and gratitude, I think, is our answer to the question: 'Where is God in all this suffering?'

He is there, in the work of those committed hands. He is there in the professional efforts of doctors and nurses. He is there in their despair, when they can't help. He is there in people's dying, in the anxiety and grief of their relatives. He is there in the efforts of healing, and in the recoveries,  which are taking place. He is there in the volunteers' work and bravery. He is there in our police, in our council workers, in the efforts of our politicians.

Still the question remains relevant, even if unanswered. Where are you? Where is your God?

 

27.03.2020

 

Re: The life we cherish (Exodus 34:10-28)

Thanks a lot. 

On Thu, 26 Mar 2020, 09:50 Bálint Gábor, <gabalint@hotmail.com> wrote:

Our present anxieties and changed life shed a fresh light on the second set of tablets which God re-wrote after Moses had destroyed the first ones. The verbal instructions we read in Exodus 34:18-26 are a 'user manual' or serve as footnotes to the Ten Commandments. Before the outbreak of the corona virus we read these verses almost in a neutral way. Who would be interested in details of life and rituals pertaining to an agricultural society?

Yet, the description of feasts, pictures of rural life, harvest time, autumn works – are precious snapshots of life itself. These scenes are attached to worship, sacrifice; life with God. We are reminded by the divine revelation how precious our banal life is. These 'verbal instructions' to the Tablet want to highlight that life, shared with God, is never banal. It is always Sacred. Our ordinary life is always something to be cherished, valuated, and constantly revaluated, and thus elevated to this level.

Our dramatically changed life, perhaps, will teach us to read the whole of this chapter, positively. The prohibition of mixing with 'those outside the covenant', on one level, sounds harsh. Yet, in view of our presently endangered life, this can be heard as a call to appreciate life with God itself.

'Write down these words for yourself; for on the basis of these words I have established a covenant with you and with Israel.' (v.27) These verbal instructions are like 'positive S.O.S. signals' sent to our shipwrecked world. Cherish life! Fight for its banalities, appreciate them, and preserve them. When life is shared, that is lived with God, all what is lost at the present can be restored.

 

26.03.2020